Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
