I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
