I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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