I think I am morally bankrupt
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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