I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Life is so much better after having sex.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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