summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
