Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
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I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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