Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
