Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
