There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
