Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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