Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
