You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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