my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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