Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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