i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
