My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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