So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
