Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
