my text book just quoted the cookie monster
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
