I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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