sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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