If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
