mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
