Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
