I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
