remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
