mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
