I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
