this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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