He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
