I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
