I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
