tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
