NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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