if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
