im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
