hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
