Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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