I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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