If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
