Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
