omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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