there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
