Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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