Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is her dick bigger than yours?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
