can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
