Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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