Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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