How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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