I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
