Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
