i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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