You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
