Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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