she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
