I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
