I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
