We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
