P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
