Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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