she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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